I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
