You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Randomize