I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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