i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
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