Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
I stole a fireplace last night.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
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