Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Randomize
