i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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