Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
It's not a walk of shame if you run
Randomize
