dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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