I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Randomize
