he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
