he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Randomize