Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
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