i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
