I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize