Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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