My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
BRING THE BAGELS
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
Randomize
