A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
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