1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Randomize
