come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
