I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Randomize
