First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize
