I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
