i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Randomize
