he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Randomize
