Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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