So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
