i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
All I want is dick and wine.
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