she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
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