i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
