fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
