it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize