Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
