I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
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