sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
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