I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
The best revenge is premature balding
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Randomize