; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Randomize
