Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
Two words: blizzard sex
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Randomize
