sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
