you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
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