somebody snuck up and got me drunk
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Randomize
