The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
