Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
