dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
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