That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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