"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize