your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
