Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Randomize