KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
