If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
