somebody snuck up and got me drunk
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
I think my moral compass just broke
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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