ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
handjob tips. give me some.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
