carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Randomize
