I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
