they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Randomize
