I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
