i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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