I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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