I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
