Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Randomize
