His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
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