You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
