I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Randomize
