His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Randomize