After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize
