i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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