ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
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