I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
Randomize
