Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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