i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
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