She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
