dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Randomize
