therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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