I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Randomize
